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| Advice from Kids | Advice on Love from Kids | Hole Factory | Whose Foot? |
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET
MARRIED?
"Eighty-four, because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend
all your time loving each other in your bedroom." (Judy, 8)
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." (Tom, 5)
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them
interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 9)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and
her own VCR, cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees
you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just
for a few hours." (Kally, 9)
THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR
MARRIED?
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up
after them." (Lynette, 9)
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that
kind of trouble." (Kenny, 7)
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE:
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you
smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." (Jan, 9)
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it
isn't supposed to be so painful." (Harlen, 8)
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9)
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It
takes too long." (Leo, 7)
ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE:
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't
hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)
"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me, I'm handsome like anything and I
haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)
"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." (Christine, 9)
CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS:
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for
them." (Dave, 8)
CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE:
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' is on
television." (Anita, 6)
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to
hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8)
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough."
(Regina, 10)
THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER:
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because even if you have tons of love,
there is still going to be a lot of bills." (Ava, 8)
SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU:
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." (Del, 6)
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but
attention ain't the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9)
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat.
French fries usually work for me." (Bart, 9)
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN
LOVE?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in
love." (John, 9)
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people
care more about the food." (Brad, 8)
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order
those because it's just like how their hearts are on fire." (Christine, 9)
WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"
"The person is thinking, Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least
once a day." (Michelle, 9)
HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS:
"You learn it right on the spot when the gushy feelings get the best of you."
(Doug, 7)
"It might help to watch soap operas all day." (Carin, 9)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you, that's why I
stopped doing it." (Jean, 10)
HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE:
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom, 7)
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the
trash." (Randy, 8).
One rainy day, I had nothing to do,
And nothing is nothing, that's one thing I knew.
But this nothing day, the wind in the mist,
Whispered, "I'll show you nothing you'll not want to miss."
I climbed out my window and jumped through a cloud,
Finding nothing at all 'cept a dog that meowed,
Then out popped a mouse who was dressed like a clown,
I just had to laugh which is when I fell do-o-o-o-o-o-own!
I dropped through some hole, falling thither and fro,
What thither and fro mean, I still do not know.
Then I fell past a duck in a white wedding gown,
Who was falling on up 'cause she flew upside down.
I landed somewhere, but where could it be?
The dark was so dark that I couldn't see me.
So I turned on a lamp which I think was a mole,
But saw nothing at all...a humongous old hole.
Then one hole raced up, another around,
There were holes that were square and holes that were round.
And to my surprise, more holes seem to grow,
On my right, on my left, a hole overflow!
Why were these holes falling all over me?
I was where they all come from, The Hole Factory.
A WHAM and a SLAM, a PLOP and a FIZZ,
The clatter and splatter of the hole making bizz..
I thought it quite strange that holes took up space,
A hole is just zero, why have a place?
That's when the Head Hole showed up to explain,
That a world without holes would be such a pain.
"There's a hole in your mouth to take in your food,
And one 'round the back to remove what you've chewed.
Cheese without holes? That wouldn't be Swiss.
Golf with no holes? How boring is this?
Holes get us in and holes get us out,
Just try out a tunnel where holes are in doubt.
Balloons with no holes could never inflate.
Footballs and tires would have the same fate.
Think of the letters that would lose all their fame,
For an e and a c would then look the same.
And the D and the P could never exist,
The hole at their center would surely be missed.
Forget counting numbers, who'd want to count then,
With no 6 or an 8 and never a 10."
I thought he was done, what more could he say,
Of something that's nothing. He was only half way.
"A doughnut's no good with no space in the middle,
How bad is the sound with no hole in a fiddle?
Alice and Rabbit, no hole to jump in?
Their Land full of Wonder might never have been.
No breathing through noses nor ears that can hear.
No holes in your head would really be queer.
And this may sound crude, but where would we go,
With no toilet holes when things start to flow?"
I stopped him right there and asked how they're made.
And how do you count them? How are they weighed?"
"Those are good questions," he said with a smirk,
Then he turned into nothing and went back to work.
And when he was gone, the hole disappeared,
I was back in my room; this was getting so weird.
Still to this day I wonder if I,
Just dreamt of that place with holes piled high.
Or what if it's somewhere we don't know about,
What would we do when our last holes run out?
It's a terrible thing this darn hole-less scare,
With no way to put on my new underwear.
And just as my worries were reaching a peak,
The Head Hole appeared and gave me a tweak.
"Don't worry, my boy, there's no need to fear,
I'd never stop making the holes you hold dear.
Just you remember what nothing can be,
If you make nothing something and share it for free."
Then he said his goodbye, with a skip and a hop,
And gave me a hole with a star on the top.
I've never seen Head or his hole-place again,
But I know now each hole is really my friend.
So when I see holes that seem all alone,
I wrap them in blankets and take them on home.
So what should you do when you've nothing to do?
by
Steve Young
Rain day, no play, nothing I can do.
Sunday plans drizzled out, no going to the zoo.
Chirp heard, wet bird, on my windowsill,
"You still can go most anywhere," sang the whippoorwill.
I looked again and he was gone. Was he really there?
That's when I looked down on the floor, getting quite a scare.
Who's feet? My feet? Stickin' out my pants.
Can't be, my feet, gotta be some plant's.
No rows, of toes, there to wiggle out.
Just a bunch of green things, lookin' out to sprout.
Now I'm budding flowers, but how can these be mine?
I seem so doggone vegetized, I'm growin' like a vine.
My brother thought it funny, my sister called me "tree."
Mother cried, "You're much too dry," and then she watered me.
Who's hand? My hand? Do I see a claw?
Oh man, no hand, now I have a paw.
Cannot lift. Cannot wave. Cannot grab my clothes.
Cannot make a shadow duck. Cannot pick my nose.
No thumb, not one, every finger gone,.
Now there's just some fur and hair, nails so sharp and long.
Cannot do what I did, what I did with ease.
Oh there is one bonus, they're great for scratchin' fleas.
Whose neck? My neck? Ten feet, maybe more.
Stretching out so doggone far, I can't get through the door,
Miss Giraffe, smiling bright, just gave me a wink,
Now am I some weird giraffe, or just a missing link?
It's really odd to be this tall, so high up from the street,
Though eating from the tops of trees is really kinda neat.
I'm feeling like a platypus, nature's modern art,
I should be changing underwear, not a body part.
Things could get no worse I thought, I'm not a plant or pet.
But Whippoorwill flew in to chirp, "You ain't seen nuthin' yet."
Who's beak? My beak? What happened to my nose?
In the middle of my face, a schnozz just like a crow's!
No nose. Oh no's. I can hardly speak,
Instead of blowing noses now, I have to blow my beak.
Who's ears, my ears? Look how big they've grown.
Like a circus elephant, surely not my own.
"NO MORE!", I scream, that's to say the least,
"Let me be an eight year old, not some plant or beast!"
Will this nightmare never end? This is a disaster.
Ever changing body parts, now they're changing faster.
Bear' knees. Hair of fleas. Elbows from a gnat,
Camel thighs, Eagle eyes, teeth of vampire bat.
Frog's lips, pig's wrist, shoulders of an ox,
Monkey butt, lion gut, eye brows from some fox.
WHEW!
I give up. What's the use? I never felt so blue.
Then I peered into a pond. "I look just like a zoo."
Surprise, delight. What a sight. I do look like a zoo.
A zoo with gardens all about, for everyone to view.
Now I'm proud, peacock proud, it's really hard to miss it.
A dandy zoo with dandy plants, I'm really quite exquisite.
Nighttime comes. I fall asleep. Changing leaves you weak,
I dream of wings to fly on high, and snoring with a beak.
Morning brings another shock, my zoo has gone away,
No creature roams, nor flower blooms, no garden for today.
I really miss those vines and beasts, they seemed a part of
me,
That's when I heard my whippoorwill, "Imagining's the key."
Can it be? Really be? Could I trust those words?
Imagining is all it takes to fly alongside birds?
That's when a jumbo jet zoomed by, engines roaring loud,
I closed my eyes, imagining, flying through a cloud.
And just like that, I felt a wind, rushing by my face,
And wings of steel, instead of arms, were lifting me in space.
Whose wings? My wings? Soar across the sky,
Could be, jet wings, would you care to fly?
END.
by
Steve Young